Today I thought about 15 years ago about my life. At that time I really didn't understand what real life meant. All I know is, go to school between father and go home alone. I think life will remain like that. I think life will still be as sweet as that.
But when I began to reflect in those memories, I felt that I really lost my life. Sometimes memories are self-rotated like soundless movies. Did i miss that? Honestly i hate all my family members without exception including myself.
15 years ago there was someone who left me, he never knew the pain he had made could never be cured. forever imprint. Tonight I pulled the wound back, trying to pay attention to the scars. just seeing it made me feel home. Chaotic. My mother once asked "why did I never miss home?" I want to answer, because there are no people I have been looking for so far. But that will hurt her.
I don't know how to thank my mother. She often scared me of losing it. but there is nothing I can do. sometimes I want to tell the cruel world to me, how I live, and how when I want to go home but I don't know who, when I want to run but I have no purpose.
Someday when I lose it, when she leaves me, I will realize that she is not the one who left me, but I left her. I swear I am the one who will be most sorry when she leaves.
Dear mom. I really want to tell you everything. every time I need your help. But, I can not. Later I will hurt you too deeply. when I think when the world is only the two of us, I know you will take care of me, but I'm not sure I can take care of you. I hope my mom is dear to God. wherever you are.
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